Bay’s ‘Transformers’ Premiere To Terrorise Westwood

While we’re well aware that it’s the rapidly approaching Transformers premiere that’s inspiring the look of “Look upon my hacky works, ye mighty, and despair!” pride on the face of Michael Bay, we imagine that not everyone who finds themselves confronted with the countdown clock currently ticking away on the fauxteur’s web presence will know exactly what will happen when it reaches zero. Still, the unlabelled doomsday timer is an appropriately unsubtle reminder that no individual Bay blockbuster is larger than the blowing-shit-up visionary behind it, even if that movie will soon be launched in one of the most over-the-top promotional orgies ever staged in a city known for its love of excess. Reports the LAT:

In one of the biggest premieres ever held in Los Angeles, the Bay juggernaut – about a race of alien robots trying to gobble Earth – will take over not one, but four Westwood movie houses on June 27, with 4,000 seats available, not just for swank “Transformers” stars like It-boy Shia LaBeouf or executive producer Steven Spielberg, but for actual members of the public.

The premiere will be followed by a party on Broxton Avenue in Westwood that is open to anyone who attends one of the screenings at the Landmark Regent Theatre, the Mann National Theatre, the Mann Bruin Theatre and the Mann Village Theatre.

Organisers have managed to keep the upcoming event’s biggest set piece a secret, a stunt which we can now exclusively reveal: As fans file out from the various Westwood venues, the director himself will roar into the center of the throng in a custom-made Lamborghini, rip an undisclosed number of tire-scorching donuts, then proceed to blow what’s left of their minds by transforming the car into a 30-foot-tall, robotic version of himself; once Bay feels the mob has been sufficiently paralysed with awe, he’ll then use the spectacular machine’s specially calibrated claws to pluck the two most attractive, scantily clad women (twins, preferably) from the crowd and lumber off into the night, crushing the occasional Hummer beneath its feet just to drive his busty hostages wild with desire.

[Image: MichaelBay.com]

• Shia LeBouf and cast to ‘transform’ L.A. film fest [LAT]
• Transformers [LAFilmFest.com]