If the first Clip Of The Day seemed too salty and rude for your liking, then we suggest you get your hanky out and prepare to relive the tragic day that Madge Bishop was cruelly taken from our screens.

(weeps uncontrollably)

Ladies and gentlemen, Defamer Australia is proud to present Harold Bishop aka Ian Smith going on a swearing bender!

We thought nothing would ever be able to top the cover featuring Kate Moss which screamed at us from the newsagent's pile of trashy mags "Pregnant! Smoking & Drinking! Covered In Blood!" but the latest issue out today is a fucking corker!

We highly doubt that John Mayer dumped Jessica Simpson because she gained 2.3 kilograms, but no matter. What a cover shot. The most unflattering angle to photograph someone known to man! It'd make an Olsen twin look morbidly obese.

Shameless, and hypnotic. We're going to pay our local grocery store to give us the giant copy they use for advertising and Blu-Tac it to our ceiling so it's the last thing we see when we go to bed, and the first thing we see when we wake up.

King of Condo(bolin) Shannon Noll has been working on his third album in the States and from all reports, it sounds like it's going to be a doozy.

While Defamer Australia is simply excited to have another dozen tunes to listen to whilst doing a spin class (tinny techno-remix pending), it appears the album is going to be fifty thousand billion times better than we could ever have imagined in our Biggest Loser dreams, because check the fuck out who Noll has been writing with.

Among Noll's co-writers are Richie Sambora (who is readying himself for the next Bon Jovi release) and earnest pop balladeer Richard Marx. Noll has also been working with Australian songwriters in a bid to find the right mix for his third release.

So the stirring ballad side of things will no doubt be handled by the more-than-capable Richard Marx (Right Here Waiting? Hazard? Oh yes, the man knows his emotional stuff...), with the cheesey lite-rock power tune songwriting angle ably covered by Bon Jovi's own Richie Sambora?

Our only question is... can we pre-order the album from Amazon now? Please?

Big Brother's Emma reveals, well... something we pretty much expected. She's not all that loving.

Emma's talking about how she doesn't understand how some HMs can say they love other HMs. "Some people cry and get emotional and say things we're like family," says Emma. "But I get along with you guys better than my family," reasons Laura.

Emma goes on to say maybe it's her then, and she's just not as emotional as everyone else. "I've never told a partner I love them," she confides to Joel and Laura.

We mean, we're not saying she's a stone cold harridan in a bitchy way. It's just, you know. We think she's like, on a scale of one to ten heart-wise, well - we wouldn't even rate her. We don't mean that in a nasty way. We're just telling it how it is.

Daughter of actor Barry and paramour of troubled star Matthew Newton, Gracie Otto, has given a revealing interview to The Age in which she, like, talks about her high school drama project, how she hooked up with Bert's son, and future film projects. Excellent.

But our favourite part of the interview was where Gracie discussed her soccer-playing past and thoughts on female football team Sydney City.

She still loves soccer, though she's been too busy to play much lately. Her team is Sydney City, an outfit so formidable it's been forced to play in the men's comp. "We always win, because all the girls are ex-Australian team players. And they all go out with each other. I was, like, the only non-lesbian on the team," Otto says

Is Gracie insinuating that female soccer players are predominantly of the Sapphic persuasion? We are gobsmacked. Next she will be telling us that lady basketballers don't mind the odd inter-team fingerbang, or even more shockingly - gal cricketers aren't all that into penis!

Hot off the presses - Matthew Newton's lawyer Chris Murphy has informed the court that Newton will be pleading guilty to a remaining charge of common assault against ex-girlfriend, former Neighbours actress Brooke Satchwell.

The charge of assaulting the popular actress was laid following a break-up argument at the former couple's Sydney home on September 13 last year.

"We will be pleading guilty to a matter of assault on the next occasion," Mr Murphy told the court.

Three other more serious charges, alleging Newton made threats against Satchwell and her family and was violent towards her during the late-night argument, were dropped today.

Deputy Chief Magistrate Paul Cloran adjourned the matter to the same court on June 12.

Newton was not present in court today.

Everyone's favourite rapper (not including the other ones "the kids" enjoy listening to) Snoop Dogg plans on "dropping" in on Live Earth Hamburg like "it" was "hot".

Reports FemaleFirst -

Snoop Dogg will perform at Live Earth Hamburg.

The US rapper joins a host of other artists, including British singer Katie Melua and rocker Chris Cornell, performing in Germany for the worldwide musical extravaganza due to take place in July.

The line-up was announced at a press conference with Live Earth Founder Kevin Wall in Stuttgart yesterday (23.05.07).

Snoop was rumoured to be performing at London's Live Earth show - but was banned from entering the UK in March following his arrest at Heathrow Airport last year.

The star, who has convictions for drugs and gun related offences, was also banned from entering Australia earlier this year.

However, Snoop's criminal history has not stopped him being included in the HSH Nordbank Arena concert on July 7.

Good for you, Snoop! Your continuing support of all things green amazes and impresses us to a ridiculously high degree.

We kinda liked Nick. Therefore, it's thoroughly appropriate that he was sacrificed to the televisual gods by a mildly interested Australian public but that ice-cold bitch Emma has managed to remain in the house. Because nothing - NOTHING - good ever comes from having Defamer Australia's support, mark our words.

Andrew, Rebecca and Nick were seated together on the lounge waiting for the Eviction announcement. Without delaying the moment any further, Gretel told them, "It's time to go, Nick." Breathing out a somewhat knowing sigh, Nick stood up and took his leave without much fanfare at all. Susannah gave him a huge hug, as did Rebecca who was also shedding a few tears. Nick jumped on Thomas and said a few other less meaningful goodbyes, before walking out the Diary Room doors for the last time.

Yes, the above is as gripping an account to read as it was to watch.

We note, from the same article on the official site, the following...

Rebecca turned her tears into smiles as she celebrated the fact the Australian public hadn't voted her out. She took great pleasure in telling the others, "That means people want to see more games, let's give them what they want people!"

Listen, we're glad Rebecca's feeling better. Her big cry the other week about how isolated and alone and bullied she felt in a house full of vacuous fuckwits (our words) genuinely moved us.

BUT THE PUBLICS DISLIKE OF NICK DOES NOT GIVE YOU "CARTE BLANCHE" TO CONTINUE INFLICTING KIDDY CAMP GAMES ON YOUR FELLOW HOUSEMATES AND THE GENERAL VIEWER.

Now crack open another can of V and hush, dear girl.

At approximately 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning, beloved screen icon and local nightlife stall fixture Lindsay Lohan once again found herself involved in a suspicious accident, having crashed her seemingly death proof convertible into a Sunset Blvd. sidewalk. Then, according to a 911 call from an eyewitness, she peeled away from the scene. After inspecting the tyres and grille for tell-tale hair, tooth, and camera fragments, police quickly ruled out vehicular paparazzicide, but a search of the car turned up a "'usable amount' of a drug tentatively identified as cocaine." The Georgia Rule star, who only recently endured a supererogatory stay at a local rehab facility, was then arrested at Century City Hospital (where she was being treated for minor injuries), for "investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs". Beleaguered flack Leslie Sloane Zelnik has yet to speak out on the matter, but is undoubtedly at this very moment holed up in an office, blinds drawn and surrounded by a foothill of crumpled paper as she attempts to compose the Statement of Her Career: a 44-word missive squarely placing the blame for her client's pre-21st-birthday rock-bottom moment on the media's nefarious shoulders.

• Cops: Drugs Found After Lohan Crash [AP]
• Lohan's Accident Aftermath [TMZ]