We have no idea what any of this means, but we're assured that dubbing over old animations and talkin' all ghetto is what "the kids" are into. So here you go! Motherfuckers! Suck our dick! Etc!

Heh.

In the name of charity, Our Kylie TM and the world's most infamous leg-cross, MENSA non-member Sharon Stone have united to perform at a Cannes Against AIDS event.

It's not everyday you see the princess of pop shimmy away with one of Hollywood's finest, but the twosome did some bumping and grinding.

And they weren't the only ones showing off their skills - George Clooney got up close with one lucky lady as he auctioned off a snog.

Phew, sounds like the A-listers were really letting their hair down.

Doesn't it though? Anyone know what the pair sang together?

Of course, if we were running an event called Cannes Against AIDS, we would have probably gone with a celebrity wet tshirt competition, but that's just us.

There's nothing we like better than a party, any kind of party, so we're totally fucking STOKED to hear that Pauline Hanson is getting her arse into gear and organising a new political "knees up"!

Says The Age...

Former One Nation party founder Pauline Hanson has put her name to a new party which she hopes will help her win a Senate spot at the next election.

More than a decade after she first entered Federal Parliament, Ms Hanson has launched a new political party - Pauline's United Australia Party.

United Australia? Who could be upset with the idea of a United Australia!?

"The big parties cannot be trusted," she said in a statement today.

"Labor's union thugs will bash up small business and the farmers, and we will all suffer.

"Mr Howard has sold us out by not halting further Muslim immigration and dumping hapless refugees from Africa on us without any consultation. Australia must withdraw ASAP from the 1951 UN Convention on refugees."

Oh. You mean that sort of 'United', Pauline.

Can't you busy yourself with more jail time, or at least continuing your tango education?

We were flabbergasted this morning to discover that the magical world of Lara Bingle (she of Brendan Fevola-loving/"Where the bloody hell are you?" fame) isn't as rosy as it once was.

Reports the Daily Telegraph...

The axe has temporarily fallen on Lara Bingle's career, with both Channel 9 and her long-term manager ending their association with the bikini model.

Priscilla Leighton-Clarke, the woman responsible for overseeing Bingle's career transformation from a fresh-faced schoolgirl to a nationally recognised pin-up, confirmed yesterday the end of their working relationship.

"I don't represent Lara anymore - I've done all I could do," Leighton-Clarke told Confidential.

Bingle's rise to fame was meteoric following the "Where the Bloody Hell Are You" campaign for Tourism Australia, but it was equally fraught with disaster.

Following 12 months of embarrassing car bungles, text message blunders and legal battles with men's magazines, Bingle became the centre of an even bigger PR nightmare when the wife of AFL star Brendan Fevola accused her of having an affair with her husband.

While Leighton-Clarke refused to discuss details surrounding her former client, it is understood the scandal was behind the breakdown of their working relationship.

But wait, that's not all! Also waving goodbye to Lara are the folk at Channel Nine.

In further news of Bingle's professional overhaul, Channel 9 has also confirmed it would not be renewing the one-year contract they signed with the model following her Dancing on Ice performance last July.

Gracious. We can't help but wonder when it all went wrong for Lara.

MAYBE FROM THE MOMENT OF CONCEPTION WHEN THE GODS DECIDED SHE WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL, BUT CURSED WITH THE CHARISMA OF A BLOCK OF WOOD.

"We resent the way you have insulted our people!"

And fair enough too. Defamer Australia apologises unreservedly to charismatic blocks of wood around the country.

We knew that we could count on our glory-hole-probing sister site Fleshbot to update us on the much-buzzed-about career of porn up-and-comer Katee Holmes, whose noble plan to honor her famous namesake by offering up her virtue on camera was announced in Page Six earlier this week.

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Potty-mouthed actor Isaiah Washington currently awaits a call from his agent that will determine whether or not he will continue to show up to the Grey's Anatomy set every day, carrying a warm smile and a box of Sprinkles cupcakes for his co-workers. (It's a small, peacemaking gesture, meant to say, "How could I possibly hate Gays when I come bearing cupcakes - the gayest dessert there is!") In the meantime, you can enjoy what might be your last rendezvous with Dr. Preston Burke as a series regular tonight on the Grey's finale, during which the actor's GLAAD-mandated public service announcement will run. GLAAD's website offers a preview of the spot, which contains in its call for a choke-free, homoinclusive society the following quote: "When you use words that demean a person because of their sexual orientation, race or gender, you send a message of hate." The spot is truly a master class in "sincerity for the camera", and perhaps the actor's most stirring statement on the matter since a moment of publicist-unassisted damage control inspired him to announce, "I love gay. I wanted to be gay. Please let me be gay!"

• ABC to Debut Isaiah Washington PSA Today [glaad.org]

Beyond baby Dannielynn, we have precious few direct blood ties to America's departed diet pill spokeswoman, Anna Nicole Smith. Luckily, her busty, downwardly spiraling legacy lives on in Donna Hogan, who's mulling some pneumatic personal improvements in anticipation of Playboy's very special Less Attractive Half-Sisters of Former Playmates Issue. From Page Six:

"A few years ago, Playboy approached me and I almost agreed to do it. But I was too chicken. My boobs weren't big enough," Hogan tells Steppin' Out's Chaunce Hayden. "But now, if Playboy called, I would probably do it. I just had a birthday and I'm going to treat myself to new boobs. I just want to get my body to where I want it and I'll be ready to step in and do it ... You'll definitely see a transformation in the next year." [...]

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With Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End just hours away from swallowing America's multiplexes like a tentacled leviathan, star Keira Knightley has emerged victorious in a legal battle against British tabloid The Daily Mail for having suggested her bony frame was providing unnecessary thinspiration for fanorexic teens. Reuters reports:

British actress Keira Knightley, star of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" film trilogy, won £3,000 ($A7280) in libel damages on Thursday over a newspaper slur that she was excessively thin. [...]

The Daily Mail had run a story with a picture of her in a bikini, headlined: "If Pictures Like This One of Keira Carried a Health Warning, My Darling Daughter Might Have Lived".

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It's been 20 years since Hollywood pooped out Dolph Lungren vehicle Masters of the Universe, the big-screen version of the moderately beloved (let's be honest here: it was no Thundercats) 1980s after-school toy infomercial, so in keeping with the industry's loosely observed Two Decade Rule for the re-adaptation of previously exploited material, superproducer Joel Silver and Warner Bros. now feel enough time has passed to do another He-Man movie. The early plans already sound as if the creative team isn't going to sidestep the Gay He-Man Question, as recent queer-cinema blockbuster 300 is cited as an inspiration for their vision; once the deal is finalised and the script finished, production should begin on a cavernous Warner Bros. soundstage, where the prodigiously muscled, well-oiled actors playing He-Man, Ram-Man, and Fisto will gather in front of a green screen to battle the six-packed legions of darkness led by a liberally pierced Skeletor and equally terrifying, orally fixated henchman Trap-Jaw.

• He-Man returns to big screen [Variety]

· Sure, it's an old clip from a tired meme, but with today's He-Man remake news, no harm in reliving the magic. [via commenter I'm Waitin' for Dolemite]
· Old friend Bachem Macuno returns with The Bush Twins Save the World.
· Renegade gator brought to justice, sentenced to life term at Griffith Park Zoo.
· Pirates 3 is already breaking box office records.

· While the two-hour American Idol finale-clusterfuck dominates the ratings, it was down about 20 percent from last year's season-ender. Might this have been God's way of punishing Fox for allowing the ludicrously drawn-out show to stretch nine minutes over its allotted running time, fucking over DVR owners who didn't think to also record the local news if they actually wanted to see who won? Are we bitter? Nah, not much. [Variety]
· Just in case you missed the make-up announcement late yesterday afternoon, Alec Baldwin and CAA are back together. Always fucking or fighting, those two! [THR]
· CBS Corp. head Les Moonves is named MIPCOM "Personality of the Year". In an unrelated story, the family of the trade show's president, who had mysteriously gone missing at the beginning of Personality of the Year voting, was returned to safety shortly after the announcement. [Variety]
· Mary-Kate Olsen returns to TV (we know what you're thinking, but nope, no Ashley this time - free at last!) in a recurring role on Showtime's Weeds, in which she'll play a troubled customer whose eating disorder is so severe she can't even eat Mary Louise Parker's delicious pot brownies without purging. [THR]
· Warner Bros. acquries the rights to children's fantasy book Skulduggery Pleasant, hoping their possible movie franchise will turn out more Harry Potter than Lemony Snicket. [Variety]

Unless you've been napping in a sensory deprivation tank buried a mile beneath the earth's surface for the last ten or so hours, by now you know that Jordin Sparks (just 17, as we were reminded every 30 seconds of this past season) is this year's American Idol, a conclusion so foregone that runner-up Blake Lewis put in an application to run the mechanical bull at Saddle Ranch mere minutes after the finalists were announced last week. Indeed, the only real questions left unanswered before the bloated two-hour finale began were: What sexagenarian-and-up singers would call in favours to perform in front of a television audience of tens of millions of teenage girls? (Answer: Tony Bennett, Bette Midler, Gladys Knight, Smokey Robinson, a hologram of Fat Elvis, and the ghost of James Brown.) And: What washed-up celebrity would be this year's David Hasselhoff, caught weeping while lost in a transcendent moment in which all melts away but him, the singer who has reached down deep inside him and caressed his very soul, and Idol's all-seeing, audience-scanning cameras? The answer to this query comes after the jump, at precisely 3:44 of Midler's moving performance of that one song she does:

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By now you've likely seen at least some part of the split-screen smackdown between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View yesterday: It raised ill-informed, inarticulate political debate to the artful level of jazz improvisation, with O'Donnell keeping... Read More »

In the interest of closure regarding the "Sanjaya is actually some sort of performance art stunt" video we posted earlier this week that has certainly challenged everything you thought you knew about untalented karaoke competition contestants who refuse to... Read More »

After fifteen decreasingly entertaining seasons of Entourage, there is hardly a premium cable subscriber in America unaware that the character of Ari Gold, memorably portrayed by Emmy-winning Matsuhisa pariah Jeremy Piven, was inspired by Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel. (Fun... Read More »