Friday, May 18, 2007
Hear Madonna’s Live Earth Track ‘Hey You’
4:49PM Jess McGuire | … and wince the afternoon away!
There’s really not much more we can say.
(Via the eternally fantastic Popjustice) More » 
Self-Boning: Tis The Season, It Would Seem
4:37PM Jess McGuire | Hot on the heels of Eddie McGuire’s boning exciting new role at Channel Nine comes news that James “Operating Thetan” Packer has resigned from the Qantas board
Mr Packer, who joined the board March 2004, will resign effective from the airline’s annual general meeting later this year.
Mr Packer’s resignation follows chairman Margaret Jackson’s decision yesterday to retire from the board.
“The board will spend the next few months considering my succession and a replacement for James, who has served the Board with distinction and diligence,” Ms Jackson said today.
So there you go. Can we expect any other resignations today? We bet Peter Costello has his fingers crossed tightly, but it’s a bit bloody late now, isn’t it Pete? More » YouTube Clip Of The Day
4:33PM Jess McGuire | Technically, this isn’t a YouTube video. But goddamn it, we enjoyed this so much we are quite prepared to fly in the face of convention, upsetting the pedants but thrilling the masses. Win some, lose some, etc.
“And I think we’re dead. Time is going by really really really really slow.”
HA! God bless marijuana-scoffing law enforcement officers. God bless them to bits. More » Do You People Even Realise How Close We Came To Losing Peter Andre? Well, Do You?
4:16PM Jess McGuire | Notorious funky junky and uber-tanned husband of the gigantically racked Jordan aka Kate Price, Mr Peter Andre, came very close to dying recently. Which we were very worried about but forgot to bring up here on Defamer Australia. Sorry.
Now on the slow road to recovery after being struck down by a life-threatening brain bug, a frail Peter Andre admits: “I thought I was going to die”.
Following his release from East Hill hospital, in Redhill, Surrey, Andre revealed that after four days of inconclusive tests he was ‘petrified’ he would die.
Thankfully, Pete made it through the illness and is now back at home with his missus. And he says the whole experience has bought them closer together.
“Kate has been amazing, coming to hospital every day, looking after the kids, looking after the house and still working some days.
“I always knew I was lucky in life but this has made me really appreciate my life and my family even more.”
Cheers, potentially life-threatening brain bug!
We mean this though – if anything ever happened to Pete, Jordan, Junior or Harvey, we would be absolutely fucking distraught. They’re our favourite trashy celebrity family of all time – hey, at least they seem to be making it work, not just despite of but almost because of their tackiness! More » 
Eddie McGuire Denies Being Boned, Insists He Boned Himself.
2:43PM Jess McGuire | Oh yes, it’s time to rehash that marvellous mental picture we thought we’d finally repressed once and for all. You see, Eddie McGuire has resigned – or was fired, or something – from his position as CEO of the Nine Network this morning.
According to The Age…
The boner has become the boned.
Eddie McGuire will step down as chief executive of the Nine network, to spend more time on air, the network announced in a statement today.
Mr McGuire, who was appointed boss of Nine in February last year, will move to his new role on June 30, statement said.
The statement said Mr McGuire would enjoy “an increased presence on air” and would focus on “the provision of creative and programming services.”
“Moving to a new role” sounds nice, doesn’t it? Nothing like a boning!
Eddie McGuire denies he was “boned” by the Nine Network, saying he was not “given the flick” as the network’s chief executive.
“Quite the opposite,” McGuire told reporters at a press conference in Melbourne this morning.
“I had the opportunity to stay as CEO but chose to go down a different path.
“I wasn’t given the flick, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Well, that clears that up.
And the best – and by that, we mean “Oh god, make it stop! Get this image out of my head!” – bone-related quote came straight from Uncle Eddie himself.
Of the question of whether he boned himself, McGuire said: “I win the sweep. I said it would come in the first five minutes.”
(snickers childishly)
(shudders) More » A Storybook Romance Reborn
12:53PM Defamer Hollywood | We want to believe in the existence of crazy, neverending, shoot-your-wife-in-the-face love as much as the next guy, but we dunno…something about these two isn’t quite right.· That little kid is never going to learn not to wander too close to the street dancers, is he? The auctioning of Michael Jackson’s “sex toys” sounds a little gross, until you realize they’re just talking about the GI Joes and Pokemons that help get kids in the mood.·Behold the majesty of the lambda.·Hey, zebracorns! More »
We Really Hope Someone Drops By The Gallery With A Basket Of Puppies Next
12:24PM Defamer Hollywood | While we would estimate that we are between five and thirty times more tired of Paris Hilton news than you are at this juncture, do you know what we’re not even a little bit sick of? You guessed it: Photographs of adorable babies lovingly nestled within the hollowed-out womb of ironic Paris Hilton sculptures! We imagine that Hilton’s fellow inmates would probably enjoy this photo as much as we did, but given the earlier report that she’ll be isolated from those who are most likely to make her prison term more uncomfortable than it has to be, we doubt they’ll be able to get close enough during their daily group-shower time to ask if they can sit on her stomach and recreate the amusing tableaux for themselves. Paris Hilton Autopsy [CKFA's Flickr] More »Not Content With Just Featuring The Best Boobs In The Business, McLeod’s Daughters Tackles The Topical Issue Of Industrial Relations
12:08PM Jess McGuire | Among the list of story topics we expected writers of McLeod’s Daughters to approach in future episodes*, we can most assuredly confirm that industrial relations did not feature in any way, shape or form.
Isn’t this a pleasant surprise then!
The industrial relations battle has reached soapie scripts, with conflict over workplace deals featuring in McLeod’s Daughters.
The latest episode of the Channel 9 soap has Phil the mayor sacking young Patrick at the garage so he can rehire him on a “workplace agreement”.
Phil says it involves a new title of assistant manager, more flexibility, more responsibility.
“Less money,” snaps Patrick in the episode shown Wednesday night. “Much less money.”
Patrick is not impressed by the promise of more pay through bonuses for hard work and rejects the workplace agreement.
“Well it’s not actually your choice,” says Phil. “It’s either my way . . .”
“I’ll take the highway,” says Patrick. “I quit.”
Thankfully the episode wasn’t totally weighed down by boring stuff like politics.
A synopsis of the plot for episode 183 of McLeod’s Daughters makes clear the confrontation and the related industrial relations issues were not at the centre of the dramatic action.
Tayler, who quit in protest with Patrick, later sneaks back to work for Phil because she needs her car fixed.
Patrick is furious, “but forgives her when he finds a baby joey and realises just how much Tayler needs her car”.
Man finds baby joey and has life-changing realisation is the oldest story in the book, but we’ll forgive the writers for indulging in cliche.
*So far, our list consists of -
Abi Tucker’s character releases an album!
Wet t-shirt competition!
Aaron Jeffrey’s character gets kicked in the cock repeatedly by a surly filly (EQUINE OR FEMALE CHARACTER)!
A mad scientist is discovered living in a secret laboratory somewhere “out bush” – he has vials and vials of Jack McLeod’s frozen man-milk and has dedicated the last twenty years of his life to impregnating women across the country with Jack’s highly potent sperm! Thus ensuring the series can run forever! HALLELUJAH. More » 
Anne Heche Too Crazy To Raise Our Son, But Not Too Crazy To Give Me $33k A Month, Says Ex-Husband
12:01PM Defamer Hollywood | If the name Coley Laffoon means nothing to you, that’s probably because you’ve not been breathlessly following the developments in the ongoing kook parade that is Anne Heche’s life. Laffoon was the cameraman that turned Heche off lesbian comic dance-Nazis and brought her back into the hetero fold. Five years and one child later, Laffoon is now filing for divorce, and dragging with him all of Heche’s dark, tinfoil-hat-wearing secrets as they battle over custody of their five-year-old son, Homer: Coley Laffoon is asking a judge for joint custody of the couple’s 5-year-old son Homer, but claims that Anne’s “bizarre and delusional behavior” and “poor parenting skills” could be a problem. In the papers, Laffoon claims that Anne once didn’t put Homer in a car seat, she often cusses in front of the child, and packed school lunches that Homer “did not like.” Laffoon added that his prior experience as a nanny and a summer camp counselor justify giving him joint custody. More »
