We have only one thing to say in regards to the clip below...

Back up, Gaylord! Thatta boy!

(via b3ta.com)

From the Diary...

Andrew and Nick are back from the farm yard and are telling the HMs about their adventures with the animals. Rosie kicked over the bucket of milk and one of the chickens pecked Andrew when he tried to get the egg from under it.

And then -

Jamie asks if Demet has a deep-fryer in her shop, she tells him yes and that she cooks falafels in it.

"I don't even know what a falafel is," Jamie muses.

"Vegetable balls," Demet explains.

"Do they have cheese in them?"

Demet thinks they can, but tells Jamie hers are 'very vegetarian'.

Later -

In the bathroom Aleisha, Emma, Hayley and Demet are talking about their regrowth and what they're going to do about it.

Yes, things are just as riveting as you remembered them to be. As you were.

We're sorry, but just on the off chance you don't read through old posts on here about Paris Hilton in the vain hope a reader will have commented something truly brilliant and retarded, we'd like to draw your attention to a comment in this blog entry, which tickled us in an extremely sensuous manner.

hey paris!! hope you read this baby girl....if not to all you jeolous fat butt ugly (cos thats the ONLY reason you'd down this girl) lay off her!! its just that..jealousy..and its sick and doesnt show her up its shows you up!! to be so weak and proves you have no life of your own...TO PARIS IF YOU DO READ THIS ....BABYGIRL...YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH...DO YOUR TIME..SHOW THEM YOUR MORE THAN A PRETTY FACE..WHICH I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE..YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS..IGNORE ALL THE IGNORANT BACKSTABBING BITCHES AND YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULL..IM ALL FOR YOU...BE STRONG.I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT..YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO LIVE FOR.. sincerely, gayle grey from australia....xxxxxxx

WAITER? ONE SERVING OF RICE PAPER LOLZ, PLEASE!

PS: The repeated use of the term "babygirl" leads us to suspect that the author of this mad missive is not, in fact, Gayle Grey from Australia... but rather Marcia Hines from Australian Idol! You go, sister-girlfriend!

Pay attention, class. Do you all know who Sia is? She's an Australian singer songwriter who now lives overseas. She is rather good, and those of you with exceptional taste in television will remember her song Breathe Me as it featured in the Six Feet Under finale and helped contribute greatly to the affecting atmosphere of the episode, which left Defamer Australia sobbing like a fucking baby for what seemed like an eternity.

Sia has done an interview with the extremely wonderful Popjustice, which you can read in its entirety here. In it, she discusses her dogs Pantera and Lick-Lick Science (SHE IS A GENIUS). We particularly loved this bit.

"The dogs get on now but when Lick-Lick first arrived Pantera wanted to fucking eat his head. It was so scary and Pantera attacked him five or six times in the first few days and it was awful. I wouldn't consider having them put down. I had to dominate and really send out some alpha-vibes and after I did that they started to feel safer, like they were packmates and I ran them around next to each other, one leash in each hand and it made me feel really strong.”

Very good.

· Say what you will about yesterday's ottoman-humping clip, but at least no one got hurt. · Fred Thompson is ducking Michael Moore's debate challenge, but at least he's doing it in style. · Tinky-Winky victorious. · The supposedly... Read More »

In time for everyone's favourite radioactive web-crawler's record-breaking return to the box office comes this authorised Marvel figurine, depicting Peter Parker's amply endowed love interest, Mary Jane - clearly not modelled on Kirsten Dunst - dutifully attending to Spider-Man's hand-laundering needs.

One miffed fangirl blogger reminded readers, "Don't miss the thong, ripped jeans, pearl necklace, and bare feet," (as if the skill it takes to convincingly sculpt a braided rope belt doesn't also deserve special recognition!), while another went to the trouble of sketching the gender-reversed scenario, the better to fully illustrate the outrageousness of the collectibles's implied sexism. Call us old fashioned, but the result - a touching tableau depicting a bethonged Peter Parker attentively Woolite-ing his lady's lacey underthings - brought a tear to our eye, the kind of well-observed snapshot of domestic tenderness that was woefully missing from the big screen foray.

[Thong Spider-Man: Logansrogue]

• Thongy figurine of Spiderman's girlfriend (maid?) incites blogger ire [BoingBoing]
• Mary Jane Comiquette [Sideshow Collectibles]

In between super-sizing, over-ordering, and spinning off every decently rated property on its current programming roster, NBC managed to slip a couple of semi-original shows onto its Fall schedule. To whet your appetite for their upcoming September offerings, the... Read More »

Frostbitten by the overly generous use of air conditioning and beginning to hallucinate that she's been trapped in "a weird icy vodka freezer," intrepid NY Times TV critic Virginia Heffernan has still managed to tap out frequent blog dispatches... Read More »

God bless the mainstream media. They've gone from ignoring the confusing world of blogging to embracing it awkwardly, Richard Gere-ing the online community's Shilpa Shetty, and now that pretty much all of the major papers have discovered the "Create Blog!" function on their websites, ain't nothing gonna stop them now.

The latest "special site" to impress us with its creativity and wit? The Daily Telegraph's Cane Those Toads! site, a blog dedicated to hating Queensland (created just in time for the State Of Origin!). With contributers to the site like the wittily named "Citizen Kane Toad" - OUR SIDES, SEND MEDICAL HELP IMMEDIATELY! - and articles demanding the removal of Queensland from the Federation, we look forward to seeing where this goes.

Your move, Queensland.

The switchboards over at Sydney's talkback radio stations have been flashing like an epileptics nightmare, almost overloaded with callers demanding the scalp of Daily Telegraph editor David Penberthy since the paper decided to go with the simple and extremely emotive "HOW COULD SHE?" headline to accompany an article about baby Catherine, the newborn abandoned outside a Melbourne hospital on Mother's Day.

Former Victorian Premier - and mental health campaigner - Jeff Kennett, no doubt unaware Penberthy has survived this, that and the other thing, told 702's Virginia Trioli -

"This editor should be bloody sacked ...

He from the buck stops of his desk accepts no responsibility, no community responsibility at all for his paper and if he does accept responsibility, then he should be sacked because there's no justification for this sort of headline.

...

We simply don't know the facts and without knowing the facts or having any idea about the circumstances, what right has anyone got to prejudge?"

However, we suspect that Dave's job is safe - at least for this week - when the nation's beloved Prime Minister is willing to take time out from important matters like, say, keeping stopping that Commie bitch from pilfering his seat, to back him up.

Prime Minister John Howard has strongly defended Sydney newspaper the Daily Telegraph over the way it reported the abandonment of a baby girl.

...

"That is a normal human reaction," he said.

"I feel for the mother, I feel for the baby, I feel for the woman's family, but fair go to the Tele.

Too right, Mr Howard. For when you really think about it, it's the Daily Telegraph who should truly be considered the victim in all this.

It's been a busy day for Al Bundy's kids: Earlier today, it was officially announced that low-achiever Kelly, whom no one in the Bundy household believed would ever make much of herself, landed her own bonked-on-the-head sitcom on ABC. Bud, however, long assumed to be the family's lone hope for escaping its cycle of shoe-sales despair, suddenly finds his mugshot splashed all over The Smoking Gun, which reports that he was arrested for pot possession and disorderly intoxication in Florida after the police caught him fighting with his ex-wife in the middle of an intersection. (Classier types know to keep their embarrassing spats close to the valet stand.) OK, now that we're fresh out of Married with Children jokes, we'll direct you to the police report, describing how the arresting officer "could detect the strong odour of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his person that grew stronger as he spoke" and his subsequent confiscation of the bag of weed Faustino had in his pocket. Fun!

• "Bud Bundy" Bud Bust [TSG]
• Puff, Puff, Pass [IMDb]

· Tim Allen? David Mamet? Together on a "mixed martial arts drama"? Has the world gone totally fucking insane? [Variety] · TV casting crisis! Close the borders! Foreigners are stealing roles on new Fall series that could be going... Read More »

A Sydney court hearing addressing the small matter of the 48 vials of banned human growth hormone discovered on prime aged USDA beefcake Sylvester Stallone has elicited a mea culpa from the sexagenarean action star, reports the Herald:

In his written apology, Stallone, who was not present in court, said he had made a "terrible mistake" but that he was ignorant of Australian laws.

Read More »

Lindsay Lohan, so often a helpless victim of her enormous, completely talent-derived worldwide fame, once again finds herself locked in battle with a member of the paparazzi underclass that's so hellbent on destroying her charmed life. Fans of the critically adored actress ("Ann-Margret, Meryl Streep, and Sophia Loren rolled into one," says cinephile journal Maxim) no doubt remember the harrowing March incident in which an innocent photographer somehow wound up splayed upon the hood of Lohan's BMW, a moment of ugliness that has now resulted in a lawsuit alleging that she was "negligent, careless and reckless" in operating the Bavarian death machine in the crowd of swarming shutterbugs and seeking monetary damages "for his pain and suffering and his lost wages." Should the pap succeed in extracting some cash from the embattled defendant, we fear that camera-clutching local grifters will exploit the situation by throwing themselves beneath the wheels of her vehicle each time she attempts to leave Hyde, hoping that TMZ's omnipresent cameras will capture lucrative footage of the lead-footed Lohan's callous disregard for their safety as they just try to make an honest living.

• Lindsay Lohan sued [USA Today]

Waitress Kathy Sullivan offered a brief respite from the parade of female witnesses testifying that Phil Spector had invited them to his Alhambra mansion only to ambush them with a firearm when they refused to succumb to the music producer's "icky" advances. Yes, he invited her and a friend back to the Château for a night of sing-alongs and sleepovers; and yes, a gun made an appearance. But this time, Spector was only doing his chivalric duty, giving them an armed escort back to their car:

Kathy Sullivan testified that she initially thought it was silly for Spector to walk them to a car with a gun, and that he looked like the cartoon character Elmer Fudd when he came downstairs with the weapon while wearing plaid.

She said the next morning as they were about to depart, Spector left them in the foyer and returned carrying a long gun. Sullivan said she asked Spector what the weapon was for.

Read More »

Back on Thursday, MPAA head Dan Glickman attempted to mollify an increasingly militant anti-tobacco lobby by introducing a complicated algorithm for adjusting the ratings for films in which the filthy, "increasingly...unacceptable behaviour" of smoking is prominently depicted, which takes... Read More »

With ABC having already spoiled Upfront Christmas by unwrapping its much-anticipated pick-up of Cavemenâ„¢, A Race Parable Brought To You By Geico a few days early, giving the disgruntled, recently cancelled stars of its comedy past an opportunity to... Read More »