Describing themselves as "an alternative to the Logies for people who wanted to vote for the worst of what has been on TV in categories that TV Week magazine keep forgetting to add to the Logies voting form", The Fuglies have encouraged heckling of the Australian entertainment industry and kept office workers amused since 2002, and for that we salute them.

It's been a competitive year but the votes for the 2007 awards have been counted and the results released today. Big winners were Gretel Killeen (Worst Female TV Personality), Kyle Sandilands (Worst Male TV Personality) and Naomi Robson (her "tribute" to Steve Irwin grabbing the coveted Fugly for Worst Incident Of The Year) but there were plenty of others who walked away with a prize.

Check the full list of winners after the jump.

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Being Friday and all, we just don't have the energy to weigh in on the Gillard/Heffernan debate in a lengthy manner, so instead we'll just give you a concise version of events through the magic of links.

Ain't the internet grand?

• Heffernan: "I will never apologise for believing a non-breeding woman is a useless woman! Also – I done magic in my pants. You can too!"
• Coonan: "Oh no, he didn't! I got your back, girlfriend.”
• Macklin: "Word to that."
• Abbott: "Oh, come on, lay off the guy. It was funny! Because it was true! Can I get a hell yeah? Hello? Anyone?"
• Howard: "Cheers, Bill. FIX THIS SHIT PLZ KTHXBYE!"
• Heffernan: "Okay, fine, fine... I'll apologise to the spinster. Whatever. Now get me a XXXX, a steak and a fertile womb."
• Gillard: "Even though I took it on the chin and not in the uterus, I shall accept your hollow show of contrition.”
• If I were a Carpenter, I might suspect your apology may not be all that heartfelt.
• Big Little Kev believes The Horn desperately needs to be on the receiving end of a spanking.

FIN.

With earlier summer offerings like Live Free or Die Hard dominating all the online buzz with their flashy teasers and fancy-pants holiday release dates, moviegoers might overlook other, less competently directed sequels scheduled for later in the season, which could easily offer just as many unnecessarily crashed cars and eye-popping, shit-blowing-up set pieces for your box office dollar. So let's not forget about Brett Ratner's Rush Hour 3, whose newly released extended trailer reveals some cinematic delights sure to be absent from Bruce Willis' overhyped comeback vehicle, like body-cavity search jokes (the snapping of a rubber glove has been proven to induce a Pavlovian sphincter-tightening response in audiences), Chris Tucker shrieking at a number of Asian individuals he still has trouble understanding, and, perhaps most thrillingly, a painting of a French nobleman (Napoleon? The subtle gag flashes by so quickly!) being struck in the genitals with a hurled knife. Mark your calendars for August 10th!

• Rush Hour 3 - trailer [YouTube]
• Rush Hour 3 [rushhourmovie.com]

Here's a tasty Friday afternoon slice of filthy gossip pie for you all - which famous Australian television dad of yesteryear has been hitting the gay clubs in Melbourne with admirable enthusiasm? Hopefully he doesn't fall asleep during the "exchanging of pleasure".*

(And no, our high-lariously shit clever headline shouldn't lead you to believe it's Martin Kelly, Architect. We exhausted ourselves with Hey Dad! related stuff last week).

*Please shoot us for using that expression. We feel ill.

By now you've all heard about the debacle regarding Big Brother contestant Kate, and a now-canceled weekly task which required the housemates to look after mock-babies together, right?

If you haven't, the general gist of the tale is that Kate broke down quite shortly after the task was announced earlier in the week as it turns out she gave birth to a stillborn baby 18 months ago - which, frankly, is a fair enough reason to crack it, if you ask us.

Once the task was pulled by Big Brother, our dear friends at Endemol Southern Star went the turkeyslap route and decided to delete mentions of the task in the official site's online diary, and cut the live feeds. It's season seven, guys - time to grasp that there are some obsessive Big Brother fans who would have already taken screen grabs of the relevant information you removed from the site and sent them to folk like Behind Big Brother by the time you've clicked "Save Changes".

What we'd been wondering was... considering Big Brother contestants are screened within an inch of their life, and must provide pretty damn detailed summaries of their entire existence so far, surely Big Brother knew about Kate's miscarriage and thus deciding to run a task like this was a recipe for disaster? We weren't the only ones questioning the move. There's now public outrage over the incident, with Kate's mother calling Big Brother "sadistic" and experts weighing in left right and centre.

Anyway, there's a list of links to take you through the chain of events click by click after the jump.

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Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush, on the publicity trail for the third installment of the Pirates Of The Caribbean movie franchise, has been chatting to journalists about co-star, coconut tree climbing withered ol' rocker Keith Richards.

Geoffrey Rush yesterday laughed off the suggestion, made and recanted by his Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End co-star. "He's always had legends surrounding him and they've entered folklore now -- the blood transfusions, the snorting his father's ashes. I think he's laughing out loud," he said.

So to sum up that little tidbit with one simple picture...

For some bizarre reason, we're finding ourselves more and more excited about this Sunday night's Logies awards. Perhaps its all the Logies-related YouTube videos we've been sitting down and watching until our eyeballs bleed. Whatevs.

Ladies and gentlemen, please revel in the pure insanity that is...

THE 2005 NEIGHBOURS CAST PERFORMANCE!

Dr Karl hilariously checking the lawn mower for a heartbeat? Max Hoyland doing crazy legs? Harold Bishop rapping?

We know, we know.

Now watch this.

• JANA WENDT IS LIKE KATE BUSH WITH A SQUARER HEAD!
• HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS PROVIDE THE MUSICAL SOUNDTRACK!
• TONY FUCKING BARBER AND ALYCE PLATT!
• KERRY-ANNE LOOKING GLORIOUS IN FLUROCENT PINK!
• THE YOUNG TALENT TIME GANG! INCLUDING DANNII!
• THE GANG FROM HEY HEY!
• RAY AND GEOFF!
• AGRO!
• NEIGHBOURS CAST, FEATURING CRAIG MCLACHLAN, JASON DONOVAN AND KYLIE MINOGUE!
• AND MADGE, HAROLD AND HELEN!
• DERRYN HINCH!
• VINTAGE ALF STEWART!
• AND OTHERS!

2007 Logies ceremony? The Logies cira 1988 just threw down the gauntlet. We think we just hyperventilated with glee. If one YouTube video was ever to capture our childhood in three minutes of fury, that'd be it.

A separate court hearing in the Phil Spector trial began yesterday, to determine what became of a possibly crucial piece of evidence gone missing from the investigation: a fingernail. Some background: In 2004, prosecutors filed a motion claiming the defence had discovered a fingernail blackened by gun powder residue at the crime scene. A clerk on Spector's original team led by Robert Shapiro claimed under oath that the evidence did exist, but it was a tooth, not a nail. Today, another one of Spector's former attorneys corroborated the nail story:

The testimony from Sara Caplan, a former defence lawyer, comes one day after a former law clerk on Spector's defence team, Greg Diamond, came forward to claim that Spector's lawyers had found evidence that was never turned over to prosecutors.

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A week ago, Page Six offered us a preview of Russell Crowe's "Ode to a Beautiful Mind," a love poem commissioned by Time to commemorate creative soulmate Brian Grazer's inclusion on the magazine's list of 100 most influential people, excerpting a stirring verse celebrating the superproducer's otherworldy soul-hearing and alchemist powers. The complete version of Crowe's heartsong is now available on Time.com, but because we fear reproducing it in full would be too much beauty for any of us to bear, we offer only its graceful final stanzas:

If there is anybody I know who was born for this e-mail, text-message, BlackBerry, information-superhighway, YouTube, MySpace, blogosphere, URL world we now live in, it's Brian Grazer. A modern-age hunter-gatherer of information.

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As we approach the end of yet another memorable cycle of American Idol (fare thee well, dreamy-eyed Chris and dreamy-eared Phil!), the country braces for the most devastating rite in the communal search for our next exalted Karaoke Superstar: the singing of the Idol single, in which the two finalists are handed microphones, ordered at gunpoint into a death sphere set up on the stage of the Kodak Theatre, and are required to sing specially commissioned, unfathomably horrendous songs until someone's head explodes into a cloud of skull and brain fragments. (In the case of a tie, the second runner-up is crowned.)

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While Extra seems to have been first to e-press with the story of David Hasselhoff's self-produced "cry for help" documentary, we've been informed that the actual video of the actor's darkest moments is exclusive to rival Entertainment Tonight, which has quickly posted the above teaser-trailer to alleviate any confusion over the footage with which ET will ruin millions of family dinners. We can only hope that this ugly custody dispute doesn't hamper the troubled Hasselhoff's attempts at putting his life back together through the redemptive power of syndicated TV programming.

UPDATE: Literally seconds after we hit "publish" on this post, we're hearing that no one has the exclusive. Excuse us while we navigate over to The Insider's web presence and throw a brick through our computer screen rather than spend another minute sorting out this clusterfuck.

• Hasselhoff Family Crisis Caught on Tape [ET Online]
Previously: David Hasselhoff's Darkest Moments: Only on Extra! [Defamer]

Paris Hilton has faced her share of adversity in the past, but nothing that couldn't be overcome by the snapping open of a compact to remind the wonky-eyed reflection therein, "They're all just jealous, 'cuz you're so hot. Text me, bestie!" But Hilton's latest troubles pit her against a foe so formidable, we doubt even a self-affirmation/nose-powdering will provide solace. We speak, of course, of the L.A. City Attorney, who has filed papers demanding she serve a month-and-a-half for violating probation on a drink driving charge:

The legal papers ask that "Hilton be ordered to serve 45 days in County Jail." Prosecutors also want her to be ordered "not to consume any alcohol for a continuous period of 90 days." During that 90-day period, prosecutors want her "to be monitored for alcohol consumption ... by use of a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring (SCRAM) device at her expense." [...]

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[UPDATE: It seems that no one has the exclusive on the video. More on this confusing nonsense here.] A frenzied series of press releases arriving in our inbox this morning have alerted us to Extra's latest "get," a "cry for help" video in which "a shirtless and extremely intoxicated" David Hasselhoff "sits on the floor of a Las Vegas hotel room so out of it that he is unable to feed himself a hamburger," footage reportedly commissioned by Hasselhoff so that he could see what he looks like when he's too drunk to enjoy a room service snack, a rock-bottom moment in any celebrity addict's life.

How Extra obtained the video isn't mentioned, but one imagines that Hasselhoff decided that his self-flagellating approach to recovery couldn't truly be complete until he's suffered the public humiliation of having his alcohol-soaked nadir reduced to a slickly produced entertainment newsmagazine segment, then forcing himself to listen as Mark McGrath barely contains his disappointment in how far his Baywatch idol has fallen as he solemnly sets up the disturbing clip.

• David Hasselhoff's Cry for Help [Extra]

Recently deadbeat-shedding and unnecessarily rehabbed pop star Britney Spears, as you certainly are aware, will take her comeback tour to the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip tonight, a performance that could be more hotly anticipated only if it was revealed that Jesus Christ himself would be taking a place among her background dancers for a couple of intricately choreographed numbers, then reascending to Heaven during the musical crescendo of "Toxic". The reviews of her first attempt at retaking the stage in San Diego following her extended hiatus to explore her various baby-dropping and head-shaving ambitions were middling at best; things were apparently no better at Wednesday night's show in (please avert your eyes, it's almost too terrible to say) Anaheim, where phones and cameras were confiscated so that Spears's lackluster efforts could not be recorded and archived for all time on the YouTubes. People describes last night's mercifully brief pop carnage:

At 9:30 p.m., after the vast majority of the crowd had made it past security, the chants of "Britney! Britney!" started, with one girl exhorting the crowd with shouts of, "She's got to feel the love!"

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