Mark "Chopper" Read enjoyed a lovely doze during his court appearance for careless driving.

Outside court, Read explained why he fell asleep in the court room. "Court rooms always put me to sleep," Read said. "I find them to be very boring."

The father of two - who has claimed he has killed at least 19 people - admitted this misdemeanour rated low on the list of his past crimes and said it was a waste of time taking it to court.

In fairness to Uncle Chop Chop, we must agree with him wholeheartedly - in the scheme of his criminal past, having to face a judge over an issue like bumping another car whilst trying to get into a "tight spot" doesn't really rate highly in the giving-a-shit stakes.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the case is the Peugeot driver who took Chopper to task for damaging the paint work on their vehicle. Brave work - you have balls of steel, sir!

You'd probably be in with a chance, if you were into collecting these kind of things, because it's currently selling for $US19.50 - WHAT A BARGAIN!

Says the seller...

You are bidding on an original 1950's mind set. Genuine period flaws make this a truly unique item. While the internal mechanism (not visible in photo) is damaged, it still spins at full speed. The veneer is in splendid condition. You will be disappointed or your money back.

Lovely.

We kid you not. The Daily Telegraph reports that the star of Just Shoot Me! and renown seducer of Hollywood hotties, Mr David Spade, is heading Down Under to appear on Neighbours.

Ramsay St is set to get a visit from Hollywood funnyman David Spade in a special cameo on the Channel 10 soap.

Spade has agreed to dig his way Down Under for the role, after striking up a friendship with former Neighbours regular Nicky Whelan.

The pairing will see Whelan return to the soap as character Pepper Steiger to play out scenes with Spade, who flew her first-class to Los Angeles to appear in an episode of his US series The Showbiz Show.

Then, Whelan's role was a girl who meets the former Just Shoot Me actor through an internet dating service.

Spade's role on the Aussie show that made Kylie Minogue, Natalie Imbruglia and Delta Goodrem stars is yet to be decided, but he says he's up for "something fun".

THINGS ARE ALWAYS FUN WHEN YOU'RE IN ERINSBOROUGH, DAVID! Unless you're the blonde bird being tortured at the moment by someone called Mad Mary. Ahem.

So just to wrap that up, David Spade is obsessed with a girl from Neighbours called Pepper and therefore he is flying to Melbourne to film himself doing "something fun".

Kudos to lovely reader Lee for pointing this out to us.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BRUNO LUCIA AND JOEL IN THE SAME ROOM?

No, no you haven't.

From this point on, we shall refer to him only as Bruno.

How utterly thrilling - the prisoners of Dreamworld have finally been given the chance to bitch about each other through the magic of nomination night!

Just like in previous years, Monday night saw Big Brother in full NIDA graduate mode, dramatically berating the housemates reasons for nominating as though viewers actually find his crankypants attitude intriguing in the least.

We took a tonne of notes during the show because we have absolutely no life, and you can check 'em out after the jump.

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In no particular order...

- Why does Thomas insist on wearing his collar up, in the manner of a private school boy on a big night out? Good lord, man. What next - boat shoes? An RM Williams belt with a giant buckle? This could be the reason his marriage didn't work out, folks.

- Hayley annoys us. But we still think she can do better than Andrew.

- We find TJ a bit tedious and she's possibly quite mental, but it is important to keep her in so that the lady contingent of the house doesn't resemble the Nazi Women's League.

- Why is Hayley constantly wrapping her legs around men who hug her?

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE SHOW AWARD.

Hayley: I'm so marrying you.
Andrew: (forced smile, thinks of something to reply which won't commit him to anything) If you're lucky.

Well, that was certainly uninformative and pointless. A nominations night run down coming quite soon.

The testimony in the Phil Spector case took an unforeseen break today, as defence attorney Bruce "Murder on Their Minds" Cutler has fallen ill. (In other news, high stress and hopelessness have been proven to wreak havoc on the immune system.) While we wait for the next disturbing chapter to play out on the witness stand, Radar Online provides a handy chronological compendium of half a century's worth of Phil Spector's patented brand of violent, gun-brandishing batshit insanity. It makes for stunning reading, beginning with a possibly formative 1958 incident in which the producer was urinated on by four pranksters in a public toilet, continuing to his days of fatherhood in the 1970s, when he'd allegedly lock his sons in their rooms, occasionally allowing them out so he could blindfold them and subject them to humiliating sex acts. Here's an entry about former wife Ronnie Spector née Bennett, the lead singer of The Ronettes:

1968 - Mrs. Spector later describes having been a virtual prisoner in the producer's mansion, around which he is said to have built walls in order to keep his significant other significantly trapped. He is also purported to lead his mother-in-law to his basement where he keeps a glass coffin, telling her that if his wife ever leaves him he will kill her and exhibit her corpse there á la Snow White.

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Recovering perfection addict Courtney Love (who recently combined forces with one of the world's most talented airbrush artists for this NSFW nude portfolio in Pop Magazine) has told the music website Spinner.com she's tired of holding on to Kurt Cobain's mildew-gathering collection of grungy sweaters, flannel shirts, novelty sunglasses, and the like, and has decided to put the entire collection up for auction at Christie's:

"I'm going to have a Christie's auction," she tells Spinner. "[My house] is like a mausoleum. My daughter [14-year-old Frances Bean] doesn't need to inherit a giant hefty bag full of flannel f***ing shirts ... A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to 'Teen Spirit' - that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just f***ing sell."

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Never once in the above clip do we see any booze cross suspiciously enthusiastic action star and proud New Jerseyian Bruce Willis' lips during this interview at a break in yesterday's Nets-Raptors game, so it would unfair to attribute his slurry, semicoherent endorsements of both his companion's promising career and his new movie to alcohol intoxication; clearly, his potshot at Cybill Shepherd, his seemingly insane claim that this summer's Die Hard sequel is better than the original, and his "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker!" sign-off were fuelled by the excitement of playoff basketball, and not by enough $14 jumbo Bud Lites to kill an actor of half his tolerance.

• Bruce Willis Likes Him Some Jersey Beer [Deadspin]

Daniel Edwards, the Brooklyn-based sculptor who gifted the world with works featuring a crowning Britney Spears splayed on a bearskin rug, and the gilded "first poop" of Miracle Baby Suri Cruise, is back again. This time, he turns his celeb-obsessed chisel to Hollywood's supreme scenewhore, in an anti-drink driving work entitled "Paris Hilton Autopsy":

To help ram the message home, the Hilton sculpture has an open abdominal cavity and its innards are removable, as if the Simple Life star were really being splayed out for an autopsy. All of the internal organs have been rendered to scale and visitors to the exhibition will be encouraged to don a pair of gloves and pick through the plaster-and-clay remains.

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· Frank Langella will reprise his stage role as Nixon for Imagine's big screen version of Peter Morgan's celebrated play, Frost/Nixon. The casting suggests director Ron Howard will remain true to the source material, though that doesn't completely rule out Akiva Goldsman being brought in for an eleventh-hour rewrite that incorporates several make-believe characters that exist only in the disgraced President's paranoid imagination. [Variety]

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Last week, Heroes co-EP Bryan Fuller said in an interview that the character of Zach (actor Thomas Dekker) was supposed to have come out as a gay teen, but that his management, concerned that it might affect his casting as young John Connor in a Terminator TV series, balked at the prospect and pulled him from the show. A Defamer reader forwarded us Dekker's own response to the controversy, posted in a MySpace bulletin. An excerpt:

I would like it to be known by everyone, that I have played a gay character three times before in my career, one when I was twelve (which is on youtube), one when I was fifteen, and another when I was seventeen. I, nor my management have ever had any kind of problem with creating a gay character...What transpired on heroes is something far more complicated than anyone being "afraid" to make Zach homosexual.

Some of Dekker's earlier gay character work is indeed available on YouTube, including this episode of short-lived Darren Star comedy Grosse Pointe, in which he plays a flaming pre-pubescent who wins a date with the show-within-the-show's resident heartthrob (the money shots are at 2:27 and 3:45), and this musical number from 7th Heaven in which he's flipped by soft-shoeing baseball players, all the while bringing to mind a young Sanjaya Malakar. We've reprinted the whole bulletin after the jump, so you can decide for yourself whether you'd like to thank Bryan Fuller or Dekker for the MySpace add.

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Take some time to review the weekend box office numbers, the only thing that can temporarily distract you from your Garfieldian dread of Monday mornings:

1. Disturbia - $US9.1 million
Over the past couple of weeks, we've celebrated Shia LaBeouf's unexpected run as Biggest Movie Star in America (And Soon, The World! [SFX: his agent's maniacal laughter]), a position further cemented by a third straight week atop the box office. (Hey, a win is a win, even if Hollywood is just pooping out late-April turds before Spider-Man 3 officially kicks off blockbuster season this Friday.) To put The Streak in perspective, consider this utterly meaningful fun fact: Neither Blades of Glory nor 300 managed to stay in first place for three consecutive weekends, and those movies had the competitive advantages of a frequently shirtless Will Ferrell and hundreds of half-naked, glistening Greek warriors, respectively; LaBeouf deserves our admiration for achieving so much without pandering to his audience's base desire to ogle his still-maturing physique.

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