A Visual Journey Of The MTV Awards (With Notes)

When we promise something, we deliver. Until the day we don't. Which means that our claim to have a couple of peeps attending the MTV Awards in Sydney was not a lie we made up to impress our Invisible But Beloved Nonetheless Audience and distract you from the fact we couldn't go ourselves! Nay, our delightful moles did indeed infiltrate the awards and took a whooooole lotta photos on the red carpet. Unfortunately it seems the after party was so hideously boring, it was simply not worth taking illicit mobile phone pictures. Anyway. Here are some snaps from the showbiz knees up of ~~the century!~~ ~~the year!~~ April!

Here's Jared Leto and the boys who help him apply his eye-liner every night, two of 'em wot are in 30 Seconds To Mars! In no way does Jared look like an uber-twat these days! Cameron Diaz must be kicking herself for letting this one slip through her fingers!

Dean Geyer. Ridiculously good looking, but unlikely to stick it in you unless you guarantee your love is forever in the eyes of the Jesus & Friends through the exchanging of rings!

Hey look! It's Fergie Black Eyed Peas! (This is, in fact, her proper surname. We think it might have a Belgian origin.)

Hey look! It's Fergie Black Eyes Peas again! But this time her hair is curly and she's wearing a matching skirt and top combo made from a Freedom Furniture lounge suite! HOW DID SHE DO THE SWITCH, IS IT SOME SORT OF WITCHCRAFT?

Sophie Monk drew the short straw in the Good Charlotte lover lottery. But we suppose trying to pick which of the Madden brothers to mate with is kind of like choosing whether to eat dog faeces or cat faeces. One may in fact be better - but at the end of the day, it's shit.

Benji and Joel - compare and contrast.

Guy Sebastian, what on earth are you wearing? We're glad the 'fro is gone, but the bowtie/leather jacket/jeans combo isn't making us feel nice on the inside. It's a little too "Oh look, Fonzie ate all the pies and has kindly agreed to go to my formal with me!" Still, we'd tap it. YEAH, WE WENT THERE. Or we would, if he let ladies near it.

Austereo's Jackie O, once described as a "giggling shit-heap of blandness". By us. We're still pretty proud of that one.