Our Mary gives birth to a girl!

The Holy Trinity of women’s mags – Australian Women’s Weekly, New Idea and Woman’s Day – must be over the moon with the news that Princess Mary very kindly offered the Danish people their first horizontally-created member of royalty in sixty years. Here at Defamer Australia HQ, we’re feeling similarly chipper and would like to publicly offer up our congratulations to Mary and Frederik.

THINGS WE WON’T BE LOOKING FORWARD TO -

- Princess Mary’s alleged BFF Amber Petty’s inevitable seventeen page photo spread in Woman’s Day, and the revealing interview where she talks about her incredibly important role in the birth (hand holding, forehead wiping, cutting the umbilical cord with her teeth…)

- The adorable little Augustus Gloop lookalike, Prince Christian, continuing his campaign of violence, fueled by the fear his new sibling will outshine him cuteness-wise in the eyes of the Danish public. The fist to the face was just the beginning, Mary! Get twenty-four hour security on the new bubs nursery! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THIS DOCUMENTARY?

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO -

- Finding out the baby’s name at the Christening in a few months time!

- Photoshoots of the sweet-as-hell family of four!

- Listening to Powderfinger albums repeatedly and happily daydreaming about the sweet-as-hell family of four!

THINGS TO DO -

Since her older, fisticuff happy brother Prince Christian has an adorable nickname, Kingaroo, based on a native animal and the royal title he’ll be inheriting, it’s urgent we come up with a similarly themed moniker for She Who Cannot Be Named (Yet).

- Redbellyprincess!
- Princessaburra!
- Platyprincess!
- Prindingocess!

We’ll get our coat…