OMG!!1! Big Brother’s Twists And Turns Enough To Mildly Interest Less Australians Than Ever Before!

Endemol Southern Star probably aren’t celebrating the viewing figures from Sunday night’s launch – season seven began with the smallest audience in the show’s seven year history. Channel Ten, on the other hand, had its best Sunday night of the year – which we dare say speaks volumes about Channel Ten’s programming schedule.

Just how do Big Brother’s producers plan on remedying this dire situation? Well, if you can’t get Justin “The One Man Ratings Machine” Timberlake to fly to the Gold Coast, then you start messing with the fragile emotions of the current lot of housemates.

We’ve got to admit, the love triangle schtick is totally working for us. Hayley and Andrew are a couple? Mr X is actually Hayley’s ex boyfriend Billy? Oh Big Brother, you’re a mad evil genius. Add to that a torture White Room containing the four potential housemates who didn’t get voted in having to tough it out in a last man standing competition for a place in the house (go Cruz! Work your sexist Christian arse off! Fend off those uppity lady challengers and decidedly pwn The Bloke With The Shithouse Hair so we can watch you behave like a major cockspank in the main house!) and Big Brother 2007 isn’t looking nearly as dire as we suspected it would be this year.

But what if (God forbid) it ain’t tempting enough for the Australian public?

Then you fly in Shilpa Shetty, the Bollywood starlet who was the centre of Celebrity Big Brother UK’s great bullying scandal of 2006 and cross your fingers there’s a latent racist in the house.