Hearty congratulations to Chris Garling who last night managed to win The Biggest Loser after shedding the equivalent of three Nicole Ritchies on the hit television show. He worked his way down from a positively Kirstie Alley-esque 149.5 kilos to an impressive and jawline conducive 79.4 kilos.

We're a bit concerned about this bit of the article though.

"I don't want to stay where I am,'' he told TV writer Stephen Downie. "I'm looking pretty lanky. I've got the guns of a six-year-old girl at the moment.''

Lanky isn't so bad, Chris. There's no need to snap and start stealing firearms from young children.

Boom ti-

No, you're right. That doesn't even deserve a 'tish'. We're going to find ourselves another coffee.

We were all gutted to learn that Snoop Dogg was no longer able to enter the country and appear at this weekend's MTV Awards as planned after his visa was canceled, right? Shizz. All the anorexics in the world weren't gonna make up for the lack of everyone's favourite nizzle dropping assorted things as though they were hot.

Well, dry your eyes, mate, because Kyle Sandilands is on the case!

SHOCK jock Kyle Sandilands today said he would launch a legal fight to overturn the Government's ban on entertainer Snoop Dogg entering Australia.

Kyle and his Today FM sidekick Jackie O said they wanted to get him into the country and began petitioning listeners.

Sandilands later told Channel Ten news that people were overreacting and should not judge the singer "based on a quick Google search."

In Snoop's defence, Sandilands admitted the rap singer had once been a criminal, but that those days were behind him.

Who knew that, along with his impressive ability to recognise outstanding new talent when he sees it (Ooh, Aah being the exception to the rule - but we'll forgive him as he was obviously blinded by vagina love), Kyle had a burning desire to rail against a criminally unjust system?

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· A good way to tell that sweeps are upon us: The Insider starts working in stories about pregnant little people with tall boyfriends in between segments on Anna Nicole.
· Sandra Bullock's stalker drives a Mercedes. And not well, apparently.
· Yet another reason to love Prince.
· The Universal Studios theme park moves into the lucrative baby-rental market.
·"We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company was selling sheep as poodles." [via BoingBoing]

If you live in Melbourne, you might like to see Defamer Australia running around like an idiot for charity at the Good Shepherd's Circus Pie Classic at The Corner Hotel.

The Good Shepherd's Circus Pie Classic, Sunday 29 April at the Corner Hotel. Iron Chef meets Rock Wiz - A raucous rock'n'roll cook off to raise funds for Good Shepherd Youth And Family Services. The Circus Pie Classic is proudly supported by Fosters, The Corner Hotel , RRR, PBS, 3CR, Beat and InPress. Proceeds raised goes to Good Shepherd.

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CQExtra.com.au reveals -

At last week's Rocky Idol auditions, a quick thinking bystander caught Andrew G on video slamming contestants unique body odours.

Click here to check out the video of Andrew G delivering the following lecture like a stern, flawlessly follicled school marm.

'I have a problem with people who come to a days like today and don't have the decency, and you know, polite manners to have a shower and put some deodorant on if they're gonna sit next to other people all day.'

Indeed.

Fox and Marvel have announced they will be spinning off an X-Men character into his own movie. Not Wolverine, however, which is still listed as in development, but telepathic metal manipulator Magneto:

[Ian] McKellen's participation in "Magneto" will likely be limited, since the film is an origin story. In a storyline hinted at by the original "X-Men" films, Magneto comes to grips with his mutant ability to manipulate metal objects as he and his parents try to survive in Auschwitz. Magneto meets Professor Xavier (played as the wheelchair-bound mutant leader by Patrick Stewart) when Xavier is a soldier liberating the concentration camp.

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It is with a heavy heart that we note the passing of former MPAA lobbyist Jack Valenti, an enemy of the movie-pirate menace so terrifying that a future generation of unauthorised downloaders will trade apocryphal stories about the copyright-defending bogeyman in hushed tones while watching illegal copies of Spider-Man 16, visibly trembling as they hear once again how a DVD-ripping friend of a friend's grandfather once awoke to find Valenti's hook embedded in the side of her computer and the message STOP RAPING HOLLYWOOD scrawled in blood on the bedroom wall. The LAT has a detailed obituary for those interested in the hyperbole-prone pirate-hunter and ratings system pioneer's legacy; after the jump, a tribute round-up of our Hollywood sibling's posts about Valenti's fascinating thoughts on subjects like elves, the hostess-humping absurdity of the Hayes Code era, and the un-fucking-believable magic boxes that assist outlaws in stealing food from the mouths of honest stuntmen:

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At some point during American Idol's recent blockbuster-pimping Shrek-tacular, in which DreamWorks mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg and incomprehensibly accented sidekick Antonio Banderas consumed a puzzling amount of screen time in plugging their upcoming animated product, virtually every one of the show's millions of teenage fans probably found him or herself wondering, "Hey, who's this awkward little bald man trying to sell me on a movie I'm going to go see anyway?" Slate's Kim Masters claims to have solved the mystery: Katzenberg was supposed to drag Shrek star Justin Timberlake onto the show, but perhaps still feeling a little dirty from whoring himself out for a duet at the Grammys, the singer escaped the country, avoiding the promotional duty. All in all, we're pleased that's the way things turned out; had Timberlake shown, we might've been denied the wonderful moment (at about 43 seconds in the above clip) when Katzenberg - just moments after showing off his Oscar - somewhat bitterly remarks that the Idol hopefuls are achieving their dreams much faster than he did, stopping just short of adding, "But, you know, hard work and stuff like that takes a lot of time. You can't karaoke your way to running a studio. Just sayin'."

• The Missing Timberlake [Slate]

If this trip down memory lane doesn't warm the cockles of your heart, then you have no soul!

Things of note:

- Hey Dad! is/was Australia's most successful sitcom. Yes.

- We're a bit sad Nudge doesn't feature in this snippet :(

- Same goes with Betty :(

- We have it on good authority that Simon is now the MC at a strip club in Sydney.

- Deliciously, the video doesn't finish at the end of the Hey Dad! ad and we get to see a dash of Hey Hey In Hollywood! Marvel appropriately at the phenomenal charisma and charm that oozes out of Daryl Somers' pores, please.

- And whatever happened to Plucka Duck?

- Unfortunately Arthur aka The Fat Kid From The Sorbent Commercial aka Matthew Krok doesn't appear in the above clip either.

- On the upside, he has his own Wikipedia page. Did you know that back in 2003 he began a two year stint as a Mormon missionary under the name Elder Krok?

Just in case Sony's statement dismissing a Reuters report that pirated copies of Spider-Man 3 had already hit the streets of Beijing weeks before the movie had even opened in the U.S., a follow-up report from the gullible news agency revealed that, unsurprisingly, what you see with Chinese DVD pirates is not always what you get:

A copy bought for 10 yuan - a little over $1 - came with the vendor's caveat that it was "not good quality".

When played in a DVD machine, the screen showed a 2001 television movie "Earth vs. The Spider" starring Dan Aykroyd as a detective investigating the case of a spider-like killer. [...]

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Opening arguments for the Phil Spector murder trial began yesterday and resume today live on Court TV (WigWatch: A Level-8 Blonde Shag), where current title-holder of Hardest Working Man in Show Business, attorney Bruce Cutler, continues to lay out the groundwork of his defence. Phase One: Convince the jury Spector's long history of pressing guns to the head of women who refused to put out for him has no bearing on the trial. Phase Two: Coin your own nonsensical catchphrase, in the hopes that repeating it ad nauseam will somehow get your guy off:

He implied that Clarkson may have been using the gun as a sexual prop.

"Playing with guns in a provocative or salacious manner can result in death," he said.

He told jurors police had rushed to judgment because of Spector's fame and wealth.

"They had murder on their minds," he said, raising his hands above his head and waving his fingers. It was a phrase he repeated a half dozen times.

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One's already been arrested, one's still an international fugitive of justice. Both stand accused of crimes of passion, but one's weapon of choice was a container of baked beans, the other's his famously supple lips. One's an incurable nervous stutterer, the other's silky smooth.

There's got to be a buddy movie in here somewhere, maybe one where they go on the lam in the Himalayas, disguising themselves as Tibetan monks in an attempt to get the Dalai Lama to issue a public plea for their pardons. Also: They fall in love with the same woman. And just in the interest of getting this thing made - Will Ferrell plays the Dalai Lama. We think we have a winner here.

• India May Arrest Richard Gere Over Kiss [AP]
• Hugh Grant Arrested on Assault Charge [AP]