Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Right Before You Go And Spend Christmas With Your Loved Ones, We’re Gonna Insist That You Read This.
11:59AM Jess McGuire | Alright. It’s nearly Christmas and if you’re even reading Defamer Australia instead of wrapping gifts and swilling festive season drinks, you’re probably at work and hoping to have your noggin turned toward mind-numbing hilarity and other things involving less heart and more gut-busting jocularity. We apologise for this post in advance, then. Because there’s no pithy punchline coming.
Defamer Australia’s Associate Editor Clem “Clam” Bastow forwarded this story to us – your humble and incredibly emotional at the best of times Piscean Editor – with the message “If you’ve not read it in the paper already, this actually made me cry!”
As a general rule, we view emails along these lines (even from our beloved Associate Editor/best mate) with an almost unhealthy amount of skepticism. In this case, reading the article Clem forwarded on proved us wrong.
Angus Conners (is) fixed on his brand new daughter, Jemma Carmela, squirming and murmuring in his lap. He has an arm laid on each side of her and his hands, curled into useless half-fists, beside her head.
If he had time for regrets, it would be now: knowing that if she somehow wriggles and falls from his wheelchair he can’t catch her; that he couldn’t lift her up and give her all the kisses he wants; and that he’ll never be able to pull her in close in a hug.
But luck is what you make it. It can tip you over and break your neck. It can sneak up and hand you a cancer. It can take your boyhood dreams and slip them just out of reach and leave you thinking there’s no good future.
And you could let it.
Or you could sit out here with the last of the sun shimmering the stones on the near ridgeline until they sparkle like cognac diamonds and pink the happy bundle in your lap. And consider yourself the luckiest bloke out back of Bourke.
The tale of Angus Conners and Kate Madigan is beautiful, heartbreaking, inspiring, and head-spinningly wonderful in equal parts. We urge you with absolute sincerity to read the whole thing. We cannot think of a more amazing story – yes, a story sans Britney/Jamie Lynne/Anna Nicole/Lindsay/Kate Ritchie/Warwick Capper/celebrity homosexuals – to finish the year on.
Honestly. We’re being soft, but damn it… if you don’t muster up a tear or three when reading about this incredible family, then we have no time for you around these parts.
We’ve been moved to the point of choking back sobs – as Clem promised. And in this day and age, that’s a rare, rare thing.
Merry Christmas. Go and spend time with the people who mean the most to you, and let them know just how you feel.
(/end Oprah Winfrey-esque earnestness) More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
9:56AM Jess McGuire | Our final Tony Martin-related clip, swears. We just had to publish this one because his John Laws impersonation is amazing.
More » This Is Your Captain Speaking.
9:44AM Jess McGuire | Greetings, lovers.
We’ve had to momentarily switch off comments from posts due to a spam blizzard which has recently attacked our servers, or something like that. We’ll let you know when we’re back up and running as normal.
x
UPDATE: We appear to be back to normal, whatever that is.
More » 
Australians To Be Reminded That The Safeways Sinatra Is Still Infinitely Preferable To The Bi-Lo Buble
8:56AM Jess McGuire | Carl Riseley must be ropable at news Michael Buble plans on stealing his post-Idol thunder with an Australian tour in early December.
Michael Buble has confirmed his sixth visit to Australia next year off the back of the hugely successful Call Me Irresponsible album.
That
record has already achieved triple platinum sales after six months in
the ARIA charts, adding to the 1.4 million albums already in Australian
homes.
“I love coming to Australia. You are all so nice. Sort of like Canadians but with good suntans,” Buble jokes.
In Carl’s favour? The cheap Michael Buble tickets cost $65, which is roughly $60 more than you’ll pay to see Carl bring his big band swing to an RSL near you. Bah-da-boop-ba-doop-eh-WAH-wah-shooo-be-dooo-paaaaah!
Hey, we’re rooting for Carl, we really are. The boy is damn cute. In fact, he’s so bloody handsome he’d probably make a killing if he decided to forge a career in the other kind of scat business. Our credit card is at the ready… SCHIZER! More » 
An Exclusive Pre-Election Interview With The John Howard Ladies’ Auxiliary Fan Club
8:38AM Jess McGuire |
The John Howard Ladies’ Auxiliary Fan Club
Here at Defamer Australia HQ, we’ve been keenly following the campaigning going on around the country in the lead up to this Saturday’s Federal Election.
We very nearly stalked Julia Gillard on Wednesday morning in order to force her into posing for a MySpace Facebook profile picture with us (you know the kind of picture we mean – fringes swept across forehead, moody look on punim, pursed lips, the arm holding the camera still in shot) but we thought her emo facial expression may have been uncomfortably too realistic after she copped a verbal spanking from Jon Faine, so we resisted the urge to accost her with a digital camera.
We invited John Howard and Peter Costello out for a pot so we could have a lively discussion regarding the past eleven years of fuckery with them and ask probing Dr Phil-esque questions about their complicated and tumultuous relationship, but their media rep informed us last minute that they had already made plans with some bird named Anna something-or-other, so we missed that opportunity as well.
But, feeling it important to at least score one penetrating and incisive interview with a major political player before the nation went to the polls, we popped on a nice floral dress and some gloves and went to High Tea with Mrs Bea Wright, spokesperson for The John Howard Auxiliary Fan Club. You may have spotted her and her companions in the news during the past six weeks, as the women have made it their life’s mission to follow our Prime Minister during his campaigning and personally offer up their support to the wee little battler.
EXHIBIT A.
EXHIBIT B.
They’ve also got a Facebook group you can join, should you be so inclined.
In any case, after the jump you can read our AMAZING and INSIGHTFUL interview with Mrs Bea Wright. We realise we said this after our Angie Hart “piece“, but honestly… we must’ve scored ourselves a Walkley now, surely? Regardless, we’re rather pleased with how it all went – it was totally worth shouting Mrs Bea Wright three cucumber sandwiches and a few cups of Earl Gray.
More » 
Peep Show Appreciation
5:41PM Jess McGuire | There is a Facefuck group called “If You Don’t Like Peep Show, You’re Probably Not Worth Knowing” We suggest you join it immediately. Fans of the British comedy will no doubt enjoy reliving Jez’s clip to his stunning dance tune (”it’s the shit”) ‘Outrageous‘ More »Vale Crazy John
5:09PM Jess McGuire | King of the cheap mobile phones ‘Crazy’ John Ilhan – not to be confused with one time white knight of boogie-boarding enthusiast Schapelle Corby, Crazy Ron – has died of a heart-attack at age 42. A constant stream of family and friends has descended on the Brighton home of 42-year-old mobile phone millionaire John Ilhan who died after a heart attack this morning while on a walking track near his home. About 20 groups went through the gates of the Seacomb Grove mansion where Mr Ilhan, owner of Crazy John’s, lived with his family, shocked at the popular entrepreneur’s death. Mr Ilhan died at Elwood Park, about 3km north of his home. Mr Ilhan was walking in the park when he collapsed close to the Elwood Croquet Club. Residents living close to the park said emergency crews were on the scene at around 7.40am. They said crews worked frantically to revive Mr Illhan. May Big Kev be waiting upstairs to greet you, Crazy John. More »When Middle Aged Rowers Get Political
4:22PM Jess McGuire | It’s really not John Howard’s week, is it? Reports smh.com.au - Prime Minister John Howard has been heckled for the second day running during his early morning walk. Mr Howard is in Adelaide today and was walking along the banks of the River Torrens when a passing rower jeered him. “Bloody arsehole,” the middle-aged man yelled at Mr Howard. Mr Howard was otherwise greeted by many well-wishers, including a rowing crew of five high school girls. Yesterday, Mr Howard was enjoying his regular early morning walk along the shore of Canberra’s Lake Burley Griffin when another walker shouted at him. “You’re a disgrace, John,” the man said. How the worm continues to turn… Sorry. We shouldn’t have mentioned worms, we know how sensitive our beloved Prime Minister is when it comes to them. Thanks for the heads up, Nads! More »Breathe A Sigh Of Relief – Bingle And Clarke Have Been Reunited
4:03PM Jess McGuire | If only we gave a shit, this would be heartwarming.
Sydney model Lara Bingle is still as bowled over as ever by cricketer Michael Clarke… the Cronulla babe couldn’t resist jetting over to India to be by her man’s side as he went into spin for the Twenty20 international in Mumbai at the weekend.
Contrary to reports that Bingle and Clarke would not be together until he arrived home in Australia, Bingle has spent the past week in India – reuniting with her boyfriend for the first time since photographs showing a busty female fan draped all over the sportsman emerged last month.
Please remind us why she is still on the showbiz radar? Can’t the all-conquering Jennifer Hawkins take care of this little problem for us, mafia-styles? If we must read news about attractive but not altogether interesting models in our papers, we’d rather the snippets were about Hawkins, not Alex Fevola’s sworn foe.
More » 
