Friday, December 21, 2007
Perhaps Some Decent Sex Ed Classes Would Have Helped Jamie Lynn Avoid A Teen Pregnancy
2:41PM Jess McGuire | Oh dear.
“It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected. I was in complete and total shock and so was he. I can’t say it was something I was planning to do right now, but now that it’s in my lap and that it’s something I have to deal with, definitely, I’m looking forward to being the best mom I can be,” Jamie Lynn told OK! magazine.
“Now that it’s in my lap”?
Has no one explained the birds and the bees to this poor confused knocked up lass? It’s in your womb, Jamie Lynn. Please, someone discuss the situation to Britney’s little sister in grown up terms so she knows exactly what’s happening to her changing body. More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
2:41PM Jess McGuire | Alright, so many in the exciting world of the internet will already be aware of the following AMAZING clip, but we figured it was worth a review considering star of the US version of The Office Rashida Jones just rated it the best video she’s seen all year when talking to New York Magazine.
Let’s hear a description of what you’re about to witness from Rashida’s own (virtual) mouth.
“‘Welcome to My Home,’ by Brenda Dickson. You have to go home and watch it right now. She was on The Young and the Restless in the seventies and eighties. She produced a video by herself, introducing you into her life and sort of showing you how to dress like her and eat like her and work out like her. It is so well produced, without irony. It is pitch-perfect eighties. She is literally facing a wall in between a mirror and a painting, just facing a wall in a gold gown, and she turns around, ‘Well, hello! I’m Brenda Dickson. Lots of people ask me how I look as good as I do after eleven and a half years on The Young and the Restless.’ It’s insane! It’s so entertaining.”
It is the best thing we’ve watched all year.
WELL HELLO!
More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Looking Forward, Looking Back
12:30PM Clem Bastow | We woke this morning after a particularly festive evening to find that it’s possible our Christmas wishes may well be coming true – Blake Fielder-Civil is reportedly making sure not to drop the soap after it emerged that the Pentonville inmates don’t think much of his treatment of his talented wife!
Amy was quizzed by police on Tuesday over an alleged plot to nobble Blake’s GBH trial.
A prison source said: “If Blake’s got Amy involved in this, he’s in a lot of trouble.
“Prisoners are very protective of their women.” Blake is awaiting trial over assault and trial-fixing allegations.
We think this calls for a celebratory airing of Paul Kelly’s How To Make Gravy and a few cheers around a bottle of cheap vodka.
However, not to subject you to the Defamer Australia family Christmas, we’d like to instead take you out with some fond memories of Winegums’ talent, performing He Can Only Hold Her live in Europe, in the hope that the New Year brings her back from the black.
DID YOU SEE WHAT WE ATTEMPTED TO DO THERE?
Fin.
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Katie Holmes Starts Unholy War Of The Adoptive Mothers
12:00PM Clem Bastow | Everyone’s favourite ScientoLOLogy sacrificial virgin celebrity mommy Katie Holmes is doing all she can to ruin Our Nic’s Christmas season.
If it wasn’t enough that “Kate” has been skiing and jetting around the world with Tom and getting in everyone’s faces about their amaaaazing love life, now she’s making a move on Nicole’s adopted children, Isabella and Conor.
Is there no end to the smugness of this fashionable haircut-wearing bint?
“His first two children are incredible, really smart and kind. They call me ‘Mom’,” she revealed.
The news is bound to come as a blow to Kidman, who recently moaned that 14-year-old Isabella and 12-year-old Connor only call her Nicole.
She told GMTV: “My kids don’t call me mommy, they don’t even call me mom. They call me Nicole, which I hate and tell them off for it.”
She added: “When children are teenagers, they have a say in where they want to be. Los Angeles is a big draw, and I’m looking to get a place there so we can share more.”
“Kate”, get your hand off it. Seriously. Like, it’s great that you have a good relationship with your new(ish) stepchildren, but really; was that necessary? We’re inclined to think there’s a time and a place for this, and it’s “while on the phone to your own mother”, not “in an internationally-available magazine”.
She’ll be laughing on the other side of her button nose when she has to call Xenu “daddy”! More » 
Lily Allen Grudgingly Quits Fagging For, You Know, Sake Of Unborn Child
11:51AM Clem Bastow | Dear old Lily Allen. Never too far away from anywhere there’s a lager, “jazz cigarette” or a packet of Rizlas going begging, her large lifestyle has been brought to a screeching halt with the news she’s having a baby with BF Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers.
What struck us, though, was her reportedly lassez faire attitude to the prospect of quitting all that; can’t you just imagine it set to a breezy faux-dancehall arrangement?
A source said: “She’s over the moon and won’t mind giving up cigs too much.” Lily was spotted smoking as recently as December 4 but the spokesman told us she wasn’t aware she was pregnant at the time.
She won’t mind it too much!
We can’t wait to be a fly on the wall in 17 or so years’ time (which we will be able to, because by then nanotechnology and transporters ‘n’ shit will be real, and you’ll be able to make your dinner out of a single pill that you put in a microwave) when Lily is having a screaming fight with her growing bairn and pulls out the old “I GAVE UP FAGGING FOR YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD!” More » 
Has Sundance “Gone Hollywood”?
9:10AM Defamer Hollywood | Of course it has! But for those clinging to the belief that Park City is anything other than a weeklong gifting suite that screens independent films to kill time in between agency parties, and who are looking for a fresh excuse to get outraged about the festival’s commercialism, have a look at their shiny new online store–where people can–gasp!–buy things bearing the Sundance brand: “‘They can’t really claim to be ‘art house’ if they’re basically operating a Disney Store online,’ said one top film critic who asked to remain anonymous, fearing reprisals.’” [Page Six] More »
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | In the latest of our ongoing attempts to keep you updated on the progress of Paris Hilton’s career in the post-incarceration era, we pass along the one-sheet for The Hottie and the Nottie, the fledging actress’s much-anticipated follow-up to modestly budgeted triumphs Pledge This! and Bottoms Up. Even after a long glance at the seemingly self-explanatory poster, we were still left with some questions about the movie’s plot, which a trip to IMDB’s user-generated synopsis page partly answered: “Frodo Baggins meets The Flintstones style comedy.” You know what? Good enough for us. [WildAboutMovies] More »
The Independent Commission into Possible …
8:10AM Defamer Hollywood | The Independent Commission into Possible Police Censorship of Certain Jew-Baiting, Sugartit-Disparaging Comments Spoken by the King of Malibu Upon His Cazardores-Fueled DWI Arrest has reached its findings, concluding there was no cover-up in the omission of Mel Gibson’s now-legendary statements from the initial L.A. County Sheriff’s report. Their reasoning: “Because of a concern about certain information gathered during the arrest falling prematurely into the hands of media sources and because there was no clear Departmental guidance provided on how to handle this scenario presented, supervisors made spontaneous decisions with regard to how to package the information and describe the arrest.” [TMZ] More »
Meet The Amazing Blue Man!
8:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Those who stayed tuned for the local news after last night’s Gossip Girl (please don’t judge us – there’s truly nothing on TV these days) may have seen a segment on Paul Karason, a man whose longtime ingestion of some kind of magical cure-all liquid has turned him blue. We were too paralysed with awe by the story to hit record on the TiVo, but we were delighted to discover that our more-vigilant colleagues at Consumerist have excavated some video from an even better treatment. More »
