Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Bbc Ruins Christmas, Says Sorry; Bulk Orders Of Lumps Of Coal Comin’ Right Up
4:02PM Clem Bastow | Heartening news today that people have had jack of political correctness, after the BBC committed something tantamount to treason when they decided to bleep out the words “faggot” and “slut” from beloved seasonal favourite The Fairytale Of New York, by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.
The Beeb emerged from the ensuing fracas with their tail firmly between their collective legs and a sorry look on all their faces.
The BBC had said the full lyrics might be unsuitable for children hearing it on the morning school run in their parents’ car.
But MacColl’s mother Jean lashed out at the decision. “I think it’s pathetic, I really do. It’s absolute nonsense. Really, this is too ridiculous,” she told BBC Radio 5 Live.
“As a parent, whatever age your child is, you have to guide them. You would say, ‘well, some people talk like this’,” said Ms MacColl, whose daughter died in a boating accident in Mexico in December 2000.
After relenting later in the day, Mr Parfitt explained that it was because the BBC believed there was no malicious intent in the words.
“While we would never condone prejudice of any kind, we know our audiences are smart enough to distinguish between maliciousness and creative freedom,” he said. “In the context of this song, I do not feel that there is any negative intent behind the use of the words, hence the reversal of the decision.”
Good to see that the people still have some power against our new broadcasting overlords.
Hop on over the jump with a glass of eggnog or eight and enjoy a rollicking rendition of Fairytale to celebrate the triumph of good music over tedious moral guardianship.
More » 
Spice Girls Tickets Selling Like Coldcakes
3:55PM Clem Bastow | The Spice Girls tour that initially seemed like the most exciting thing EVER OMG has started slowing down somewhat, with ticket sales waning and critical reception cooling.
Now, with Emma Bunton hobbling around with a busted foot, it seems that booking seventeen gigs in London may have been a little too optimistic on the part of the promoters as the arenas’ seating stands become speckled with gaps.
It seems Girl Power is on the wane as the group’s second performance, on Sunday, was reported to be less than full and Monday’s had plenty of seats available.
Saturday’s show at the O2, the Spice Girls’ first performance together in the UK for eight years, was boasted to have sold all 23,000 tickets in 38 seconds.
The girls, included Mel B who was spotted at Cipriani with husband Stephen Belafonte on Sunday night, then added 16 more dates because of the overwhelming enthusiasm.
But the initial rush on tickets was not all it seemed as the internet touts, who bought thousands, started selling them for less than a third of their face value.
And audience members at the venue on Sunday said it was noticeably empty, with one saying there were “a couple of hundred” spare seats. On Monday, seats were available on the O2 website.
Look, this really only says one thing to us: it bodes well for a secret gig at Melbourne’s Tote Hotel when they eventually arrive in Australia! Only 350 tickets available, send us your money now! More » 
There Is No Annoying Voiceover From Evan As Samuel Johnson Has His Day In Court
3:44PM Clem Bastow | Samuel Johnson, formerly of Secret Life Of Us, After The Deluge and every single bloody Hungry Jacks ad in the early 2000s, and more recently travel show presenter, managed a 12-month good behaviour bond after pleading guilty to assault.
The assault itself had been the cap on a very difficult year for Johnson, whose partner took her own life, leaving him – understandably – depressed and hitting the bottle, so we’re pleased to see him get a break.
Needless to say, victim Ben Benson probably doesn’t share all our good feelings, but at least he got a heartfelt apology from the former voice of Channel Ten.
The former Secret Life of Us star escaped an assault conviction over the attack, in which he punched the victim and stomped on his head.
The 29-year-old pleaded guilty to assault occasioning actual bodily harm but was given a 12-month good behaviour bond and had no conviction recorded.
Magistrate Brian Maloney described the attack as an “aberration”.
Afterwards, Johnson apologised to victim Ben Benson, saying: “I behaved like a goose and I’ve been remorseful since the moment it happened.”
You know, we were exceedingly fond of Samuel when he was all over our screens like a rash. Surely it’s time for someone to write him a comeback vehicle. Anyone?
We are happy to take 20% as we broker a deal for your excellent screenplay/script/exciting new invention/insert-whatever-we-are-hawking-here! More » 
Doctor Who Will Not Be Treated To A Bit Of Jennifer Saunders
3:36PM Clem Bastow | Who nerds everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief after David Tennant has reassured them that he will not be hanging up his coat as the Gallifreyan Time Lord.
The confusion came about after Catherine Tate (who will be the Doctor’s new companion in 2008) opened her pie hole and reckoned that Tennant would be filming “his last season”, leaving the UK press scrambling with ideas for replacements, from the reasonable (James Nesbitt) to the outrageous (Jennifer Saunders!).
Tennant, speaking at the launch of the Christmas episode, said: “Catherine Tate stitched me up good and proper.”
“I started getting all these phone calls on Saturday lunchtime saying apparently you’re leaving Doctor Who,” Tennant told the BBC. “Catherine Tate’s just announced it on Radio 2 – thanks Catherine!”
He added: “I said to her on Monday morning did you know you’ve caused a minor diplomatic incident? She was completely oblivious that the phone had been ringing off the hook.”
Tennant confirmed he was doing four Doctor Who specials in 2009, but there was no decision about the next series in 2010.
“I’m doing four more specials and beyond that no one’s asked me to make any decisions and I’m quite happy to be enigmatic for as long as possible,” he said.
And, just to further meld the furiously frothing saliva of various dedicated fan bases, Kylie Minogue will be appearing in the Christmas episode, Voyage Of The Damned (pictured above), as a waitress onboard the Titanic, Astrid Peth.
Maybe she can do a gig at G.A.Y. with the Daleks, then? More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Haa!
3:21PM Clem Bastow | After much speculation as to whether or not she’d be charged in relation to husband Blake Fielder-Civil’s shady deals, the coppers yesterday escorted Ms Winegums down to the station for a few words (and other such The Bill-isms that we’ve picked up through channel surfing on Saturday nights).
Amy was “arrested by appointment” and later released on bail, though dad Mitch Winehouse is playing it cool at this point.
Mr Winehouse said last night: “Amy’s arrest has been planned for the past three weeks, so it’s nothing new to any of us.
“It is all been arranged between Amy and the police. She was asked to attend the police station to be questioned and have her DNA taken to assist them with the investigation into Blake’s charges.
“We have no complaint with how the police have handled the investigation or how they have treated Amy.
He added: “Maybe Amy will be charged, but at the moment I don’t know any more than her being asked to attend the police station by appointment.”
We’re hoping that the only thing the fuzz find Amy guilty of is the crime of making an exceedingly poor choice of life partner, and perhaps a few crimes against fashion thrown in for good measure, with the sentence of always wearing clean, new shoes and a few community service sessions at the Fluffy Bunny & Cute Baby Animals welfare agency of Niceville, USA. More » 
Lily Allen Manages A Smile When Doc Tells Her Bf Has Knocked Her Out, Er, Up
3:16PM Clem Bastow | Lily Allen is preggers!
It’s as surprising to you as it is to us, believe us – it was only months ago she was kicking photographers in the face while accompanied by her old BF (you know… that dude). She’s been dating Chemical Brothers’ Ed Simons since September, so evidently they wasted no time in getting to know each other, then.
Lily, whose debut album Alright, Still was the huge hit of last summer, has made no secret of her desire to start a family.
Our source said: “Lily could not be happier.
“It’s the icing on the cake for what has been an incredible 18 months for her. She is looking forward to finishing her new album early next year and releasing it before the birth of her first child.”
We’ll wait until Lily herself confirms this before we order her a swan made out of Egyptian cotton nappies, but if this year has taught us one thing, it’s that you can usually expect most “news” that comes out of the British tabloid circuit to be true if it’s to do with either Amy, Lily or Britney. More » 
Knocked-Up Jamie-Lynn Spears Carrying On Britney’s Troubled Family Tradition
9:15AM Defamer Hollywood | In a Very Special Issue of OK! Magazine set to arrive on newsstands tomorrow, sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie-Lynn Spears, the pride of Nickelodeon’s teen talent stable, will reveal that she’s continuing the proud family tradition of ill-advised pregnancies established by infant-fumbling, mothering-impaired older sister Britney. The lucky father – who’ll be catapulted to Federlinian levels of baby-making notoriety by morning, have a record contract by noon, and have shot a Taco Bell commercial playing off his lovable-ne’er-do-well persona by close of business Wednesday – is reportedly someone named Casey Aldridge, the young Spears’s boyfriend. Please join us we officially welcome Jamie-Lynn and C-Ald (we’re going to have to work on that nickname) as they take this crucial first step towards tabloid ubiquity. Jamie-Lynn Spears Is Pregnant [TMZ] More »
Britney Spears Given Coveted People.com ‘Bestie’ For Barely Surviving 2007
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | People.com’s always-discriminating readers have spoken: Britney Spears, the serially troubled onetime pop-star whose head-shaving, custody-forfeiting, meth-addled-stripper-gone-to-seed-imitating misadventures have kept the shark-infested tabloid waters well-chummed for an entire calendar year, is the proud recipient of the website’s coveted 2007 Bestie Award for Most Talked About Star. In what we’ll assume was a landslide, Spears topped Angelina Jolie, who, much to her detriment in this particular race, did not lose possession of even one of the estimated fifteen orphans she collected during her Third World travels on behalf of the United Nations. More »
